Late night, dark time boredom

Well I haven't updated for while again. Seems that it's alot harder to keep track of time than I thought, if im being completely honest. Anyways, how on earth have I come to the point of staying up later and sleeping longer than your usual doley type person? . Im actually finding harder to get to sleep than any other point in my life ( and I was a doley for 9 months once!!!) . I've got nothing of a routine neither, which is rather soul destroying as before my op I was asleep by 10 usually.

Also as christmas is rapidly approaching , i'm actually finding that it's not exciting me anymore (not in a hardcore lesbian scene sort of way). Where has the joy of it gone? Why aren't I excited about the piss ups and seeing ny boys face christmas morning? Am I slightly depressed with not being able to work? I really haven't got the answers and finding them are proving difficult.

As I lay here at 2.45 in the morning these are the things that are going through my head, it's no wonder people turn to drugs and alcohol ( I haven't for the record). Im now single which is or isn't a good thing really, there is no point going through everything but it seems I really can't find 'THE ONE'. Is there actually a person for everyone?, sort of a shared interest in most things and a connection that runs deeper than looks or a good ass. Im unsure as how u go about doing this i've tried and honestly, cannot connect with anyone i've met in this way (as of yet anyway). I know im not destined to be alone, no one is but at the moment it sure feels like it.

Also since I last ooopdated, i've managed to get myself a real good grip on using photoshop. It might surprise some people but i'm not as dull as I make it, what takes people months to learn in photoshop literally took me a week to learn (yes i'm impressed with myself about it). Seeing as work, training or anything physical is out of the question at the moment (sex excluded), i'm doing stuff I haven't been able to do for years (actually thinking). Rebuilding mental dexterity after years of not stimulating my brain is the reason I think i'm slightly depressed. Actually realising that i've wasted so much of my life doing nothing is finally hitting home, and it's not good. What I could of been to what I am is so disturbingly far apart its scary. So the job I applied for I didn't get but it's spurred me on to look for better things in my life.

Thanks for reading, until next time
Ordinary (very bored) Ash signing out